I assumed slamming a few times a year was enough ‘therapy’ for me. Maybe one of the reasons I’ve had such a difficult time adjusting during the past three years is because I didn't take his advice. He always used to tell me that writing his daily thoughts down was therapeutic for his soul. It was almost like losing my mother all over again. I didn't expect her death to be as hard on me as it was. Julia passed away in September of that year.

There was a lot of falling in love, a lot of grief, a lot of healing and even more adjusting. So, I guess I didn’t spend a lot of time feeling alive.Ģ011 was better in its own way. I'd never felt more alive than when I was with her…but considering our circumstances, I couldn’t be with her. Of course, 2010 turned out to be just as difficult as the previous years, but in a completely different way. That year didn't start for me until September 22nd, the day I first laid eyes on Lake. I don’t even remember the entire first half of 2010. Looking back on it, I don't think I could have made it through 2009 without Caulder. How to adjust to heartbreak, how to adjust to having no parents, how to adjust to essentially becoming a parent myself and the sole provider of a family. I spent every single day of the next year learning how to adjust. Leaving the University and moving back to Ypsilanti to become Caulder’s guardian was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made…but also one of the best decisions. To top it off, I ended up having to drop my scholarship. It didn’t help that Vaughn decided to end our two-year relationship on the heels of their death.

At the end of 2008, my parent's both passed away unexpectedly, leaving me to raise my little brother all on my own. The last few years have definitely not been in our favor.

Point of retreat by colleen hoover